At the end of the day it comes down to this. My words they mean nothing . In reality anyway. I can say whatever I want to her. I can tell her my goals , and dreams , and plans for the future , and how much I love her and how much I want to be apart of my life. I can tell her how beautiful she is , and that I’m proud of her. I would be crazy for wanting her to just believe all these things that I say. Why should she. People come in and out of our lives all the time , they say things , the same things I’ve said to her. Why should she believe that I’m any different then them, when I speak the same words as them. She shouldn’t. Her trust in me shouldn’t be invested in the words I speak but the things I do. She may remember the first day I said I love you to her , but what I really want her to remember is what I did from that day on to show her that I love her. People say I love you all the time , the word has be twisted and defaced so many times that each person has their own definition. That word has been thrown at me many times , not all so genuinely either. Each time I would find myself confused how to how that person loved me , or maybe it wasn’t that didn’t love me it was that I didn’t understand the meaning fully. When it was me just taking there words and not lining it up with their actions. I was taking the word and the actions and creating a whole new definition. Cause you see people use words as an illusion all time. One moment their  saying that they love you and nothing would ever tare you apart from them… and the next moment their screaming at you ,and walking out the door and you don’t understand how they could do this to , they love you. Somehow the word love got turned around and used as weapon against you , they could never do what their doing to you because they love you , how could this be happening they dont mean it they will come back . So its not my words that I want her to invest her trust in its my actions

// Asia//

Despite people telling me that I’m a genuinely nice person. I know that I have my moments and my own issues. I spend a lot of time in my head fighting my thoughts and insecurities throughout the day. I have my moods where I get quite because somehow my normal relentless talking has somehow become unexplainably blocked. And I can  a ass hole. You can say what you want . I know I can be. But somehow , I managed to find this girl in my slice of the world that loves me. Not only does she love me its unconditional. I’ve known what its like to love , because I’ve been there before but this love is different. This love has me , and its grip is tight. No end in sight to it . Me being me have spent a lot of time exploring this in my head and going over every possible scenario , and the only conclusion that I’ve come to is that I’m suppose to be with the girl ..she might be the one. Its to the point where she is constantly running through my head all the time. At night she is the one I want in my bed next to me , the one whose text I anticipate and phone calls I look forward to . Theres always a subconscious countdowns of the hours and minutes left until I get to see her again. And the days that we spend the night together are a perfectly constructed little piece of heaven in my little universe that I call my life. Everything is perfect , her and I are the only ones in the world . All couples fight , but the thing is I don’t know that that I can stay mad at her for more than a minute , it doesn’t work I can’t be mad. To me she is perfect , I love everything about her and all the little things she does. Her smile , and the way she laughs , damn that get me every time. And man the way she kisses my ear… God take me now because I know that there isn’t anything better than that . I could spend a lifetime searching the world for another girl like her and I know that I wouldn’t find it. We fit , from the way her fingers fit in mine , and how her lips mine , we fit . We want the same things , she understands my struggles , and puts up with all that is wrong with me. Baby I just need you to know that despite my assholeyness. I love you and I don’t have a doubt in my mind about you and I . I love you.

// Insomnia sucks booty tang//

Cant sleep. cant stop thinking. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh